someone threw a dead crab at me
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
