i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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