I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
