cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
