Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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