i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
