Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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