His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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