i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
