Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Oh god it's open bar.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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