Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
