like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
