She is in my trunk
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
A bitchslap is in order.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
