She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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