ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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