yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If I die, sorry about rent.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
