OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
