you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
