happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
