Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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