So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
