As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
