Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
