ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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