the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
