also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
it's like heaven, but drunker
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
