no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
