Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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