Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...

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(908): View more from New Jersey

and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.

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(217): View more from Illinois

I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck

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(716): View more from New York

I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.

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(417): View more from Missouri

Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days

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