I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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