I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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