If i come over, it means nothing
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
