JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We're too hungover to prance.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
