i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
