I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
