we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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