"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
