I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
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It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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