he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
