thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
