i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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