We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
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i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
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In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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