i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
