I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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