They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
