If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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