Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
