Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
