What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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