also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
