We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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