my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
