nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
