So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
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Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
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My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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