Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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