So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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