Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
