his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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