I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
What drink are we having for lunch?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
