I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
