There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
