I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
