Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
