After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
