this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
