all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
