people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
