I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
