Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
