Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
