There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
