I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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