I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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