32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
